A fictional birdwatching podcast. The birdcall expert is, well… on call.

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Created and sound designed by Julia Schifini.

Inspired by Kristen DiMercurio.

This episode's birdwatcher is Dallas Wheatley (they/ey/he).

Learn more about Dallas's work on Fireside Folktales and visit their website for more of their work.

Interested in submitting audio to be one of our birdwatchers? Visit juliaschifini.com/contact.

Our theme is "Yellow-rumped Warbler" by Chad Crouch.

Transcript:

[Theme Music Plays]

Julia: Who Watches the Birdwatchers? A fictional birdwatching podcast. 

[Theme music fades out. Fade in on birds chirping during a beautiful day.]

Dallas: Hi, I’m Dallas. [sighs] It is just a beautiful day for birdwatching. 

[A bird takes flight nearby.]

Dallas: Oh! Such a quick one. Oh, look at him go, he’s just zooming off there. Slow down, Speed Racer! 

[Dallas chuckles and sighs. The birds continue to chirp.]

Dallas: Oh, and look! Just over here in that bush, that’s… that’s what we call a pigeon. A red-breasted pigeon! Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful bird right there. And they have, just an absolutely spectacular call. It’s something you wouldn’t expect from a bird that size. And it goes a little something like--

[Dallas does the call of the red-breasted pigeon, which sounds like a gargling turkey.]

Dallas: That’s what we, uhhh, in the business call a red-breasted pigeon mating call. Absolutely fascinating birds and-- Oh, oh looks like this bird didn’t… didn’t want to mate with me. He just flew off when I did the sounds, bye-bye Mr. Bird, Mr. Red-Breasted Pigeon, I hope you have a lovely day.

[Dallas moves aside the branches of a bush to reveal a nest full of baby birds that chirp hungrily at them.]

Dallas: Oh! Oh, oh look at these little ones. “Cheep cheep, Mommy feed me!” 

[Dallas laughs and sighs happily.]

Dallas: I should probably leave you alone so Mommy can get back to feeding you, okay bye bye babies. Oh, nature is just beautiful. 

[The sound of the baby birds fades away.]

Dallas: Oh! Look right up there! Right up on that lower tree branch. Do you see it? Yup, that is a blue nightingale. What a rare find! Do you know what a blue nightingale sounds like?  You know what? You already know, I’m gonna-- I’m gonna ex-- I’m gonna do it for you.  So let me tell you a few fun facts about the blue nightingale. They are actually not blue! That’s a fun little misnomer there, the blue nightingale is not blue at all! I bet you’re curious about what the call for a blue nightingale actually sounds like-- the not-so-blue blue nightingale. Well, I’ll tell you. It sounds a lot like this.  

[Dallas whistles a little bird song.]

Dallas: Isn’t that just fascinating? Gosh, nature’s just so beautiful and it makes so many beautiful things. 

[Birds continue to sing.]

Dallas: Look at that beautiful little bird down there, oh my goodness. What a cutie pie!  Mmm! I just wanna take him home and coat him in buttermilk and shove him in my mouth, so cute!

[Birds chirp and sing. The occasional cicada drones in the background.]

Dallas: Hm… Oh my. Oh, and look right there! Now this one’s, this one’s a bit more common. This one’s called the Spotted Dove. Beautiful bird, the Spotted Dove. Well, I’m sure they’re all beautiful birds. I certainly love each and every one of them. But you know what? This Spotted Dove, I mean, I’m gonna tell you exactly what this Spotted Dove sounds like so that you can pick it out a lot more easily when you’re looking for birds around your house. 

[Dallas caws loudly and angrily, then clears their throat.]

Dallas: And, ahem, that right there my friends is the Spotted Dove call, so if you hear that sound around your house, keep an eye out! You might just see a Spotted Dove. 

Friends, I am so glad that you could join me for Dallas’s Birdwatching Hour, and I really hope that I see you all here next time. Have a great day, and happy birdwatching!    

[Slowly fade out into the theme music.] 

Julia: That was “Who Watches the Birdwatchers?”, a fictional birdwatching podcast. Our birdwatcher this episode was Dallas Wheatley.

Dallas is the creator and showrunner for Whispering, the first season of Fireside Folktales, which is the story of Persephone and Hades, adapted into an audio drama.

Links to Fireside Folktales, and more of Dallas’s work, can be found in our show notes. 

Moving forward, Who Watches the Birdwatchers? will be releasing on the 1st and 15th of every month. 

If you are interested in submitting audio to be one of our birdwatchers, you can do so by visiting juliaschifini.com/contact. 

Our theme song is “Yellow-rumped Warbler” by Chad Crouch. Edited and sound designed by Julia Schifini. Inspired by Kristen DiMercurio. 

[Theme music fades out.]

Dallas, in a thick Southern accent: Would you like to birdwatch with me?

[They laugh.]

Dallas: Sorry...