A fictional birdwatching podcast. A quiet morning on the lake. If you don’t count that goose. 

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Created and sound designed by Julia Schifini.

Inspired by Kristen DiMercurio.

This episode's birdwatcher is Lindsay Zana (she/her).

Learn more about Lindsay’s work on Arden, Crit Squad, and more on her website.  

Our theme is "Yellow-rumped Warbler" by Chad Crouch.

Interested in submitting audio to be one of our birdwatchers? Visit juliaschifini.com/contact.

Transcript:

[Theme Music Plays]

Julia: Who Watches the Birdwatchers? A fictional birdwatching podcast. 

[Theme music fades out. Birds call out to each other. Wind blows through the trees. Water laps against a canoe in the middle of a lake.]

Lindsay: I’ve been out on the lake for maybe 20 minutes now? It’s finally cooled down enough in the mornings for me to come out here and not melt. I like watching all the animals move around in the mist coming up off the lake. Okay. Let’s zoom in and see what we have today. 

[Birds chirp. It is an active day, with a lot of different birds to choose from.]

Lindsay: Oh! There’s a woodpecker up there on that branch. Those splashes of red really stand out in the morning light. 

[An owl calls out.]

Lindsay: I must be close to the owl’s nest. I can hear it, somewhere over… [Lindsay gasps] There it is. Its wings are beautiful, and so quiet. It must be finishing up its hunting. Yeah, there’s its nest. 

[A bird calls quietly in the distance.]

Lindsay: Oh, there’s a blue... something on that branch. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen this one before. It’s got a little mohawk. Oh, very dapper looking with blue wings and a little blue stripe across its chest. Very distinguished. 

[A flock of geese can be heard to the side, flying in.]

Lindsay: Oh, great. The geese are back. I’m gonig to just slowly paddle over this way, put some distance between us. 

[Lindsay paddles her canoe a little further away, the oar hitting against the side of the boat as she does so.]

Lindsay: As long as that big white one isn’t with them… Okay, this seems far enough. 

[Lindsay stops paddling. A group of ducks swims closer, quacking as they approach.]

Lindsay: Oh, the ducks! Okay, let’s see if I can count you all today. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Seven babies. Aw, hello. You’re all so fuzzy! Aw, look at you, swimming with mama. Okay, okay, I know what you want.  

[Lindsay rummages around in her pocket.]

Lindsay: Here, I brought some extra lettuce for everyone today. There you go. Mama is looking very majestic today. I can see so many different shades of brown in her feathers. Oh! And there’s the other one. I can see his green feathers as he’s paddling out further ahead. 

[Lindsay gasps.]

Lindsay: Oh my god. Oh, I was hoping to see the heron! Oh, wow. It’s walking over in the shadows. What long legs. The dark feathers coming off its head almost look like mascara. Oh, the wings. I don’t know if I’ve ever gotten this close before. Oh! It caught a fish. Good job, bud!

[The birds continue to chirp. Water laps quietly against the canoe.]

Lindsay: Oh. The little girl across the lake is outside playing. And she’s pointing at something… Maybe it’s the ducks… Oh, crap! It’s that white goose. Ugh, maybe if she doesn’t-- Nope, now she’s going right up close to it. Uh oh, it’s seen her. 

[In the distance, the goose honks menacingly.]

Lindsay: It’s honking at her. Crap!  

[The goose continues honking menacingly, flapping its wings in the water.]

Lindsay: Hey! Hey, goose!  Leave her alone! Oh shit, it’s opening its wings. Maybe if I can just paddle close enough…

[Lindsay starts paddling towards shore, oar bumping the side of the canoe.]

Lindsay: This is the third kid this week! She’s running back up the lawn, but-- Oh crap, it’s charging. Shit, it’s going for her coat!

[The goose honks angrily.]

Lindsay: Hey! Stop! Oh, god damn it.    

[Theme music abruptly cuts in.] 

Julia: That was “Who Watches the Birdwatchers?”, a fictional birdwatching podcast. Our birdwatcher this episode was Lindsay Zana.

Lindsay is a voice actor who you can hear on shows such as Arden, a comedy mystery podcast about the 10-year-old disappearance of a Hollywood starlet, and the actual play podcast, Crit Squad. 

Links to Arden and Crit Squad, as well as more of Lindsay’s work, can be found in our show notes. 

Our theme song is “Yellow-rumped Warbler” by Chad Crouch. Edited and sound designed by Julia Schifini. Inspired by Kristen DiMercurio. 

If you’ve enjoyed this episode and would like to support the show, please consider donating to our Tip Jar, which you can find in the show notes of this episode. Any money donated will go to sustaining Who Watches the Birdwatchers? and compensating the birdwatchers who have donated their time.